eight months too fast.

alright, so blogging hasn't been as easy as i initially thought. i mean, honestly, who knew that sitting down and writing out your thoughts every day could be hard? because this girl didn't.

well, not that it's hard, but more so that I'm too gosh dang lazy and exhausted most of the days to pick up my laptop and write my little heart out. like, DANG. sometimes this mama just wants to lay on the couch with something fattening (preferably pizza) and melt. and to be honest, sometimes that melting happens for hours... like four hours.

alright, im pretty lazy sometimes. ill admit it, dangit. but, until you're a mother, you never realize how much just sitting and doing absolutely nothing- except eating- feels so damn good. and by good i mean heavenly.

literally, HEAVENLY.

okay, enough with my rant about how great being lazy feels sometimes. now to focus on what is really important:
PAISLEY TURNING EIGHT MONTHS OLD TODAY, yeow!

actually, i'm not quite sure how i feel about it. especially since her first tooth decided to pop through today, also. ugh. i want her to have a toothless grandma smile forever. whyyyyy must her teeth grow? why must she grow? and why is it all happening so fast!?

sitting with her today while she tried to chew on literally everything possible, got me to thinking about how much joy and bliss these eight months have brought. and how the months are passing far too quickly.

oh, sweet little girl, you are growing up far too fast and mama is not a fan of it. not even the tiniest bit.

oh, but baby girl, the more you grow, the more you learn. the more your personality shows. the more you smile. the more you laugh. and, inevitably, the louder your cries become. all of which i witnessed today.

the smiles that are wider than your chunky thighs. the laughs that are so hard to pull out of you, but when they come, they sound of the purest joy. the personality that shows your sweet side, but gives us a glimpse of that rebellion. and the cries. the piercing cries that could make someone go insane. but, today. today those cries brought me to tears. today those cries weren't because you were hungry, or sleepy, or bored. today those cries were because of your tooth. that first tooth that signifies that my newborn isn't so new anymore. that my little tiny baby is growing. growing so fast. growing too fast.

so, tonight i held you tighter. tonight i held you longer. and tonight, more than any other night, i thank God for giving me the greatest blessing eight months ago. because these things- yes, including the cries- will be far in the rearview mirror sooner than we know it. one day, you'll go from your speedy little crawl to a speedy little run. and one day, your cries won't be because of a tooth, but because a stupid boy broke your heart. and one day, hopefully far away, you're going to move out and be on your own.

and all of those days, i can wait for.

happy eight months, beautiful girl.

Change.

You know how all the old timers tell you, "Oh, just wait until you have a baby. Your entire life will change."? Yeah... well, they were being 100% serious.

Time to yourself. Time with others. Friendships. Relationships. Bank account. Etc. Everything changes. Some for the better, some not. But it really makes you realize that these old timers actually knew what they were talking about and maybe next time you should listen a little better when they have something to say.

Not saying that this beautiful little babe isn't worth it, because God knows I can't imagine my life without my daughter. I'm just saying that even though change is inevitable, a baby fast-forwards and multiplies that change by 10.

Of course your wallet takes the biggest hit. I mean, come on. Who knew that a jumper for a 5-month-old baby would cost you one hundred dollars. Like, what? You want me to spend a bill on ONE toy that she'll use for maybe a few months? Pft.

Although, Alex and I kind of lucked out at our baby shower and got almost all of our baby necessities as gifts. Yes, including diapers. At almost six months old, we still haven't bought any diapers or wipes for our nugget. WOO!

But beyond the money and beyond the time spent changing diapers. Beyond the never-ending breastfeeding or endless amounts of baby laundry. Beyond all of the superficial things, the biggest change has happened within myself. I went from a sorority girl who drank five nights of the week and rarely attended classes to currently sitting at home on a Friday night getting a head start on a paper due in two weeks. I honestly don't thinkl I've ever voluntarily sat down on a weekend night just to do homework for the heck of it.

Who am I? I am Paisley's mother. I am her teacher. I am her everyday playmate. I am her source of nutrition and I am her safety blanket. I am the one she wakes up to and the one she goes to sleep with. I am her everything.

But she... She is all that and more. She is my rock. She is my best friend. She is my heart beating outside of my body. She is the epitome of beauty, love and all things wonderful. She is my daily blessing. She is the best part of me.

There is no day that I'd rather be popping bottles instead of pumping bottles. There is no day that I'd rather be shopping for myself instead of shopping for her. There is no day that I'd rather spend time with friends instead of watching her grow like a weed. There is no day where I would choose my past over what she has brought to my present and my future.

My heart is full, my mornings are brighter and my love seems to be overflowing. Paisley has completely changed my life and I can't imagine how I was ever able to live it any other way.

24 Weeks.

Paisley turned 24 weeks old yesterday.

Wow.

Time is flying faster than... I don't know what flies fast, but faster than whatever it is.

Everybody says that having a baby changes your life. Especially if you decide to have a baby at 22 while attempting to finish your college degree. But who knew it would be this hard and this exhausting? Not me. Not me at all.

Exhaustion would be the understatement of the year. The hard work that comes with a child has no end in sight. But joy -complete and utter joy- doesn't even come close to describing the feeling that motherhood brings.

Joy in the biggest, best way. A joy that consumes your whole body. Your whole heart. A joy that stops you in your tracks when you see her first smile. That causes you to cheer like a maniac when she rolls over for the first time. And to cry when she cries.

It's a joy that engulfs every part of your being. And this joy she brings... this overwhelming joy... is something I would never, ever give up. It is by far the best feeling and nothing, not any thing in the world, can replace this emotion.

Just please, pretty baby, stop growing so fast.


Xoxo,
Mama Googz.