day one, kinda.

are you kitten me right meow?

okay.
seeing as today is the 2nd, it's technically not the first day of the year, but FREAK IT. i do what i want. sometimes.

the overload of cuteness above is my daughter. we are semi-twinning in black&cheetah print to celebrate the first day of 2014! so, naturally, she is my number one on my year of gratitude. i can't even begin to explain how much i love this little nugget. although i never imagined myself to be a 22-year-old mother i literally could not imagine my life any other way. at just 7 months old (as of tomorrow) she has brought more joy to my life than i thought possible. her smile, her laughs, her cuddles and her desire to soak in the world inspires me to be better than i was the day before.

i know that God has a plan for me, and i'm slowly learning to stop doubting Him but instead to trust that He has a reason for everything. i don't know why he allowed me to give birth to this beautiful little human but i can't express enough how grateful i am that He did.

everything i do this year,and every year following, is for her.

i love you, Paisley!

did you miss me?

huh? did ya, did ya? did all of my zero followers miss me? haha!

no but really... its been quite some time since i've posted. who do i think i am just leaving my blog like that. pft. amateur.

well, for starters, Happy New Year b!$h3z! time for unrealistic resolutions and diets that last a few hours until you realize how got-damn hungover you are and how you are in literal need of the greasiest meal you can find. or was that just me? just kidding. i wasn't hungover, i just can't say no to food. danggggggit.

anyway, so i haven't decided what crazy goals i'm setting for this year yet, but i have decided that 2013 was absolutely wonderful and i'm not sure how i feel about it already being gone. i mean it just flew right on by. am i right or am i right? all i know is that this year im going to attempt to run a half marathon -- or a full if im feeling really insane-- in honor of my late father! YEE! im excited. and scared. and out of shape. but mostly excited and out of shape.

so wish this mama luck, because she'll need it!
a lot.

oh, i have also decided i would really like to blog every day, even if it's only a short entry. i have this awesome idea that if i do this and include something positive each day, then whenever im feeling upset, overwhelmed, impatient or unworthy (which, lets face it, as a SAHM sometimes happens more often than you'd like) then i can look back to my blog and be easily reminded of all the wonderful happenings in my life that i tend to forget about.

maybe it's wishful thinking and maybe i'm a dreamer... but i'm not the only one.
see what i did there? ;D

okay, im rambling. laundry has taken a toll on me tonight. because it's definitely not the beers i've been chugging while doing said laundry.

good day my loves!
whoever you are...

oh my.

You know those days where you wouldn't mind jumping out of your bedroom window and belly flopping onto the ground?

Ya. Today was one of those days.

Well, actually... It was a good day with a few bad moments. But those moments. Ohhh, those few moments almost had me yanking my hair out. One strand at a time.

Paisley is either going through a growth spurt or a tooth will be popping through soon *crossing my fingers* but she literally was doing this crying whine all day.

ALL. DAY. LONG.

This morning was my better half of the day because I woke up like a damn champ. I was so ready to kick the day's ass.

Crying? No problem.

I was basically SuperMom this morning. But then the afternoon hit and i was exhausted.

Dead. Tired.

So tired, in fact, that I fell asleep for 20 minutes when I sat on the ground to change Paisley's diaper. I woke up to her crawling on my legs with a nakey little hiney. I really hope she didn't pittle anywhere...oops.

Anyway.

Anytime I sat her down she just started screaming. Why Paisley? Whyyyy.

And then we attempted to set up a mini photo studio in our tiny excuse for a living room which was... crowded. Besides it being insanely cramped you would think that after a few hours of grumpy baby yelling we wouldn't decide to sit her down for a photo shoot right before nap time, right? Wrong. Freakin newbs. Let's just say that ended quick.

But we did get some insanely cute pictures so it was a semi-victory.

So ya. Basically there was just a lot of whining followed by exhaustion and ending with SuperMom on her knees pleading with a 14 pound child to replace her cries with a smile.

Pathetic? Maybe.
Necessary? Definitely.

After the seemingly endless cycle, Paisley decided to put herself to sleep for the night without even a peep of dissatisfaction. My begging and pleading finally paid off.

Whether she pitied me or simply was just tired... I owe her one for taking it easy on me in her last moments before Dreamland.

Thank you, you sweet little angel (who sometimes fancies devil horns over a halo)

Change.

You know how all the old timers tell you, "Oh, just wait until you have a baby. Your entire life will change."? Yeah... well, they were being 100% serious.

Time to yourself. Time with others. Friendships. Relationships. Bank account. Etc. Everything changes. Some for the better, some not. But it really makes you realize that these old timers actually knew what they were talking about and maybe next time you should listen a little better when they have something to say.

Not saying that this beautiful little babe isn't worth it, because God knows I can't imagine my life without my daughter. I'm just saying that even though change is inevitable, a baby fast-forwards and multiplies that change by 10.

Of course your wallet takes the biggest hit. I mean, come on. Who knew that a jumper for a 5-month-old baby would cost you one hundred dollars. Like, what? You want me to spend a bill on ONE toy that she'll use for maybe a few months? Pft.

Although, Alex and I kind of lucked out at our baby shower and got almost all of our baby necessities as gifts. Yes, including diapers. At almost six months old, we still haven't bought any diapers or wipes for our nugget. WOO!

But beyond the money and beyond the time spent changing diapers. Beyond the never-ending breastfeeding or endless amounts of baby laundry. Beyond all of the superficial things, the biggest change has happened within myself. I went from a sorority girl who drank five nights of the week and rarely attended classes to currently sitting at home on a Friday night getting a head start on a paper due in two weeks. I honestly don't thinkl I've ever voluntarily sat down on a weekend night just to do homework for the heck of it.

Who am I? I am Paisley's mother. I am her teacher. I am her everyday playmate. I am her source of nutrition and I am her safety blanket. I am the one she wakes up to and the one she goes to sleep with. I am her everything.

But she... She is all that and more. She is my rock. She is my best friend. She is my heart beating outside of my body. She is the epitome of beauty, love and all things wonderful. She is my daily blessing. She is the best part of me.

There is no day that I'd rather be popping bottles instead of pumping bottles. There is no day that I'd rather be shopping for myself instead of shopping for her. There is no day that I'd rather spend time with friends instead of watching her grow like a weed. There is no day where I would choose my past over what she has brought to my present and my future.

My heart is full, my mornings are brighter and my love seems to be overflowing. Paisley has completely changed my life and I can't imagine how I was ever able to live it any other way.

24 Weeks.

Paisley turned 24 weeks old yesterday.

Wow.

Time is flying faster than... I don't know what flies fast, but faster than whatever it is.

Everybody says that having a baby changes your life. Especially if you decide to have a baby at 22 while attempting to finish your college degree. But who knew it would be this hard and this exhausting? Not me. Not me at all.

Exhaustion would be the understatement of the year. The hard work that comes with a child has no end in sight. But joy -complete and utter joy- doesn't even come close to describing the feeling that motherhood brings.

Joy in the biggest, best way. A joy that consumes your whole body. Your whole heart. A joy that stops you in your tracks when you see her first smile. That causes you to cheer like a maniac when she rolls over for the first time. And to cry when she cries.

It's a joy that engulfs every part of your being. And this joy she brings... this overwhelming joy... is something I would never, ever give up. It is by far the best feeling and nothing, not any thing in the world, can replace this emotion.

Just please, pretty baby, stop growing so fast.


Xoxo,
Mama Googz.

The Whole World.

Reminiscing over photos of my little nugget while sitting on the couch tonight and enjoying a glass of Merlot.

While scrolling through the masses upon masses of cute snapshots I take on a daily basis, I started humming an old song that randomly popped into my head. Now when I say old, I mean 7-year-old baby Chey singing it during Sunday School kind of old. This ancient song is "He's Got The Whole World In His Hands." I don't know who sings it, so don't ask. All I know is that I was absolutely obsessed with it while growing up and literally sang it all day everyday.

Now, I don't know if it's some crazy coincidence or if the universe was speaking to me, but how random for this song to come up tonight. You can only imagine how singing these lyrics while looking at old pictures of my tiny little Paisley just struck my emotional mom chord- I'm sure that glass of Merlot didn't help my wacky hormones either.

While humming, I realized that when I held her I truly had the whole world in my hands. I'm not sure how something that weighs as much as my milk-filled boobs can take over my entire world, but I am glad she has.

Being a new mother is nowhere near as hard as I thought it would be, it's a million and four times harder. But one glance at my Paisley reminds me that these sleepless nights, helpless days and mountains of laundry are completely and utterly worth the true love and happiness I get from being a mother to such a beautiful little girl.

xoxo,
mama googz.